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2009-10-06
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petrelliheidiSeveral hours after THIS.
My office, no Nathan’s office, is a train ride from New York. In my memories Nathan could fly, but of all the things I can do that’s not one of them. I don’t mind. It means I can sit with Heidi, holding hands, wearing my real face on the ride. I don’t intend to put on Nathan’s skin until I absolutely have to. I don’t want his life overlaying the shadows of mine. Shadows of spider webs are all I have. I know so little. I know I’m not Nathan, but I have no fucking idea who I am.
We take a cab to the office, still holding hands whenever we can. As I step out of the cab, walking for the door, I put back on Nathan’s face. When I see that face reflected in the door, my eyes are filled with hatred. I don’t want to wear his face anymore.
“I want my life back, Heidi. I don’t want to be Nathan anymore.” I know she wants to know who I am too. I can taste her curiosity and need to know. It’s as strong as mine. I wonder if we were this much alike before I lost my memories. Would she have liked the real me? Will she like the real me?
I hand Heidi the keys to the office. “I don’t want to touch the door knob. Don’t want to touch anything but you.”
My office, no Nathan’s office, is a train ride from New York. In my memories Nathan could fly, but of all the things I can do that’s not one of them. I don’t mind. It means I can sit with Heidi, holding hands, wearing my real face on the ride. I don’t intend to put on Nathan’s skin until I absolutely have to. I don’t want his life overlaying the shadows of mine. Shadows of spider webs are all I have. I know so little. I know I’m not Nathan, but I have no fucking idea who I am.
We take a cab to the office, still holding hands whenever we can. As I step out of the cab, walking for the door, I put back on Nathan’s face. When I see that face reflected in the door, my eyes are filled with hatred. I don’t want to wear his face anymore.
“I want my life back, Heidi. I don’t want to be Nathan anymore.” I know she wants to know who I am too. I can taste her curiosity and need to know. It’s as strong as mine. I wonder if we were this much alike before I lost my memories. Would she have liked the real me? Will she like the real me?
I hand Heidi the keys to the office. “I don’t want to touch the door knob. Don’t want to touch anything but you.”
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