Who Are You? - 100heroesfics and <lj site="livejournal.com" comm=

Characters: Sylar
Fandom: Heroes Fugitives
Rating: PG
Word Count: 360
Prompt: 2/100 #76 Who 100heroesfics and "Maybe if we tried working together we could ease some of the tensions. We're all pulling in different directions." for scifi_muses
Notes: Someplace in Sylar's head during/after "I am Sylar"

Pawns and shadows... That’s all any of us really are. We’re manipulated, warped and twisted from the day we’re born by our parents, our friends, our lovers. Anyone whose attention we want, we crave or we need. That need to fit in, to be needed to be loved fuels our wants and desires. No one is immune to the need, but sadly some of us are needier than others.

Why aren’t I worthy? I’m getting so very tired of being karma’s bitch. Being forced to watch while others around me find love and happiness. These aren’t new feelings, but I pray every day that they’ll go away. I pray that I’ll stop needing anyone to care about me.

Now that I know the truth of my birth why can’t I let her go? She wasn’t my mother anymore than Angela was. At least Angela understood me as no one else could. Sometimes I still believe she prefers me to her real sons. Useless bastards that they are, they couldn’t even kill their father when they needed to.

I cling to Sylar. He is my strength. He is my protector. He does what I can’t.

Or maybe it works the other way around? Could I be his protector? Is Sylar lost because he’s spent so much time shoving me aside that he’s lost his soul?

Micah told me I could be special. He wasn’t talking to Sylar. He was talking to me. The real me. His pleas weren’t to Sylar. They were for Gabriel. The part of me I hide. The part of me that is weak. The part of me that needs to be special and loved.

I’m babbling like a lunatic. Keep losing myself in my memories and my chameleon flesh. Hell I’m losing more of me to the memories of other people every time I take their power, their memories or their face. Their DNA has warped me more than my guilt and rage.

I am Sylar. Sylar who is going to get us killed.

I need to be stronger. I need to take control. I don’t want to die.

I am Gabriel. Yeah, just like the angel.